Surviving Retail: The Show!

Surviving Retail is a one-man show celebrating the unbearable weirdness of working retail, using true stories, visual aids and a ukulele. This site features news, info and videos for the show, as well as excerpts from the (unpublished) Surviving Retail book.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Holiday Reprints

Christmas Eve in Retail

My first "real" retail Christmas

This story happened the Saturday before Christmas one year. Fun Fact: I was hospitalized that same day for what turned out to be strep throat.

Holidays in retail

I post this often, but it still works. It's my song about the only time retail workers can enjoy Christmas: from the store closing on the 24th to the store opening on the 26th.



The Lyrics:
Doors are locked/ nobody died
Where's the booze?/our nerves are fried
Looks like we made it/ though there were some near misses
There's been a ceasefire/ in the war on Christmas
Chorus: But we love Christmas/oh yes, we do
And not just cause Jesus wants us to
We love Christmas/but the best part of the day
Is knowing it's a whole 'nother year away
Second Verse:Returns are coming/ they can't be beat
Disappointment and lost receipts
But that's tomorrow/ to deal with that aggression
Now I've got my greatest gift/ A day without stupid questions
Chorus again add
since it's a leap year it's an extra whole day away